Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Dealing with idiots.


Just indulge me for a minute and read this,  and then put your pencils down.  Oh,  and I may have to add a comment here and there if that’s OK with you. 


SIOUX FALLS, S.D. - A prison inmate is suing the hospital where he was circumcised as a newborn, saying he only recently became aware (so what?  he forgot to take a look at the thing?) that he'd undergone the procedure and that it robbed him of his sexual prowess.  (*snort* So we can measure that too,  can we?)

Dean Cochrun, (“Cochrun”?,  seriously??)  28, is asking for $1,000 in compensatory and punitive damages. He also asks in the lawsuit that his foreskin be restored "in the hopes I could feel whole again," (just a minute there,  while I get out a tissue) though he acknowledged that he didn't expect such a restoration to be anything more than aesthetic.

Cochrun, (heeheee) who is imprisoned on a kidnapping conviction, filed the federal lawsuit Friday against Sanford Hospital. Cochrun (oh stop it!!) claims that an "unknown doctor" misled his mother to believe that the procedure was medically necessary. Cochrun (please!  seriously,  I’m busting a gut here!)  argues that the procedure was unnecessary, unethical and without medical benefit.

"I was recently made aware of the fact that I had been (circumcised) and that ... I was robbed of sensitivity during sexual intercourse as well as the sense of security and well-being I am entitled to in my person," he argued in the lawsuit, adding that neither he nor his partners would "have that sensitivity during sexual intercourse and have a normal sex life."  (OK, he’s in prison. I got no words.)

Cochrun isn't represented by a lawyer in the lawsuit, (well,  that’s a relief.  I’m suddenly feeling better about lawyers.)  which includes a letter from Sanford officials responding to a letter requesting that his foreskin be replaced. Patient relations representative DyAnn Smith replied that Sanford would not pay for the procedure.

"There will be no further correspondence about this matter," she wrote.




*phew*.  It’s not even the first of April.  That wasn’t actually what today’s missive was going to touch on,  but I couldn’t help myself.  We’re working up a theme.

First of all,  I have to hand it to the guy.  I mean, if you’re going to come up with some crazy-assed loopy lawsuit,  it may as well be about losing part of your pecker.  I mean, that chick who spilled coffee on herself made out OK.    Besides,   he’s only asking for a thousand.   Oh,  and part of his pecker back.

I think there might be a *slight* complication though?  I’d hazard a guess that when the original doctor did the snippety do da,  that keeping that little bit of skin preserved somehow for future consideration wasn’t really part of the procedure.   I’m not sure what they do with all those little foreskins,  and I just now started doing a search on that very topic,  and I had to stop before I got a definitive answer. (*head spinning*)  He never offered whether or not he was Jewish,  but either way,  I don’t think anyone had the forethought to set it aside?

Waka waka.

(I’m here all afternoon,  be sure and tip your server.)

Ooh, *ouch*,  did I just say,  “tip”?  Gah!


So,  what does he think they’re going to do?  Or, would have done? Remove part of his lower lip and attach it to his manhood?  Well now there’s an idea,  maybe they could do both top and bottom lips?   Yet another definition of “self serve”?

I can’t even put that in print. We’re going down hill fast here kids,  let’s not even go there.

I’ll just let you use your imagination.





OK,  let’s get back to reality here,  and the idiots that we *know*.

Going back to August,  the “Landlords”  have been pissing around with setting up some sort of visit to check up on the condition of the “roof extension”,   which is the term used by one of their representatives.

Originally I got a note from someone back then (in August),   to which I replied that,  at the time we were in fact in Canada,  and that a week’s notice for such a thing was a bit of a waste of everyone’s time.  These people are Austrians,  don’t they know everyone is on vacation?

So that one was cancelled.  My fault.  Sorry.  Didn’t realise I couldn’t leave the country.

Then there’s a note asking about some time in December.  The previous notes had been in German.  After this,  they decide to switch to English,  or some semblance thereof.  Whatever.  

the construction management and we, the property administration, would like to take a look at the roof extension and also your apartment to check how it looks and if everything’s ok after 2,5 years.

Is it possible for you to be at home on Mittwoch, 14.12. , 8-9 a.m.?

Thanks a lot!

Mit freundlichen Grüßen



Anyway,  I’m going to try and cut to the chase here,  and suffice to say that, after a couple more back and forths,  a time was set up for some time between 11:00 and 2:00 p.m. for April the 17th.   Yesterday.

Oh,  and I should mention that,  I had asked this fellow just who exactly are these people that I’m going to be expecting?   He didn’t reply.


The peculiar thing is,  last week (Tuesday,  at that magic time)  somebody shows up at the door,  says they’re representing the Landlord,  he comes in and heads up to the terrace upstairs,   checks a couple things, writes something on the form on his clipboard,  and off he goes.  

Naturally I just figured I had written the wrong date on the calendar,  since that would be entirely possible,  and shot off a note to the Dude from the Landlord office mentioning the fact that there had been someone here a week early.

To make things even more interesting,  Travelling Companion has set up an appointment with the BMW dealer here in town for an oil change for yesterday morning!   It’s not like I have a full schedule or anything,  so it could have been any other day except that one,  but those plans had been made,  and I wasn’t too sure how I was going to be in two places at once.


Landlord Dude shoots a note back saying he’s not sure who was there that morning,  and we’re still on for next week.

Here’s the note I sent back.


Well,  I'm really not sure who it was this morning either.  He didn't leave a card. And you hadn't told me whom I was supposed to be expecting anyway,  so there was certainly no way to check that.
He just said he had something to do with *your company*,  came in,  went up on the Terrace,  had a look in a couple of the clean outs for the chimneys,  and that was it.
Maybe check with the firm that's supposedly coming next week?   I'm certainly not going to cancel the oil change and then have nobody show up.   That would be my prediction.
So,  as far as I'm concerned,  that was "the appointment".  We're done.
Let me know how you make out.
Thanks for your understanding.

So now he starts to get in a panic.   Oh,  and a little too chummy.

Dear Bob,

the appointment next week is of extremely high importance. It wasn’t a misunderstanding. We had to work out the appointment with the tenants of 4 apartments to find the right day and time.

Is there any way you can shift the oil change or give someone a certificate of authority? It’s enough that someone is in your apartment at that time. It doesn’t have to be you at all costs.

Thank you!

So between T.C. and I,  we sort it out,  and I let him know.

My wife has offered to take the car to the dealership in my place.  So I'll be here.
It's my hope that someone will indeed show up.
Until next week then.
Kindest regards.

Have you noticed how I keep repeating that mantra about “showing up”?   Right.

Well,  there they are,  over on the apartment that faces out on Mariahilfer that is still sitting empty since 2009,  since it’s too damned expensive.   Seems to me it was close to three grand a month.  Um, that’s Euros, by the way.



I couldn’t really tell,  but it looked to be about seven of them.  They had their plans,  and were pointing at stuff. 


So I wait.  It’s going to take a little while to make their way over here.  

About an hour or so later,  the doorbell rings,  but there’s only ONE GUY there.   Hm.   What the hell?

Remember my prediction?  Well,  they had seen enough by the second apartment,  and decided to call it a day.   So it was the Dude who had been sending these notes back and forth who quite likely figured that he HAD BETTER come to my door,  or I might just wander down to his office and drag him out by his heels.  

Don’t worry.  I was nice.  Pleasant even.  It’s not his fault he’s an idiot who is caught in the middle between the builder and the owner.   Seems they’re having some minor disagreement over whether or not the final bill should be paid.   After pointing out a few things that wouldn’t be acceptable in “Bob Land”,  I suggested they should keep holding back their money. 


His parting words were to the effect that they wouldn’t need to bother me again.   Got that right. 

Oh, and the oil change?   Wait until tomorrow.


Keep those sticks on the ice,  and thanks for lookin’.




  1. and sadly we can't cure stupid can we....have a good day Bob

  2. Well... I'm not even going to comment on the first topic of your blog... I'm still laughing and kind of shaking my head... Yes, I am... now... if this goes to court, will he have to show evidence of all this? I mean, if he didn't know about this for all these years, what makes him so sure it's really so? Enough... Now... About the 2nd topic... are you sure you aren't in some 3rd world country? Where Manana seems to be the norm... and that DOESN'T necessarily mean tomorrow... what's a schedule anyway?

  3. I'm still laughing from the first topic, great start to my boring day at the desk.

    I totally dislike stupidity and lack of organization. I admire you for getting thru that day all in one piece!!

  4. OMGosh - can't stop laughing...and yes, you did use his name more than was strictly necessary you bad man you! Must have been your evil twin. Thanks for the funniest thing I have read in a long time. However, if he does happen to get a stupid judge he just might win that lawsuit - that would not be so funny.

    You just can't fix stupid.

  5. They really put you in a spot, did they? I'm amazed you're keeping track of all this.
    And that first part? Man, this guy must be crazy. Geez..

  6. Reminds me of the story about the 2 drunk soldiers in the bar, bragging about their "physical attributes". Finally came down to a bet as to how far it was to "the tip". The winner was the guy that said his "tip" was shot off in Vietnam!


Well, I've been getting too many spam comments showing up. Just a drag, so we'll go another route and hope that helps. So, we won't be hearing anything more from Mr. Nony Moose.
I guess I'll just have to do without that Gucci purse.