Wednesday, March 28, 2012

I could be…a Hockey Player!

Well,  sort of.

OK,  stop the presses for a minute.  Blogger seems to be having some issues.  First I got a '500' error,  then that sort of subsided,  and now I notice that the three images that I uploaded ain't there.   I'll remove this part later on if things improve.   This is beyond my control.  

Remember how last week I proposed that I could operate a crane?   Of course,  only from the ground,  since I’m scared of heights.   Just a minor thing.

Well,  I would like to present to you exhibit “A”.

I’m only showing my golf clubs here,  since getting them cleaned up seems to tie in nicely with some of the activities of our local hockey team in Toronto.  
Just a snippet:

“Stick a fork in them.

The Toronto Maple Leafs are now officially, mathematically eliminated from the playoffs, done in after yet another dismal outing in a 3-0 loss to the Carolina Hurricanes on Tuesday night.
This particular defeat caps an epic collapse by a Leafs team that had been sitting in sixth in the Eastern Conference as late as Feb. 6 – a date since which they’ve broken a franchise record with a 10-game losing streak at home and gone 5-16-3 overall.”

There you go.

And seriously?  A team from Carolina?  Geez.

That link above will take you to the Google search page,  where there’s a host of links if you’re at all interested.  I know I’m not.
So see?   With the exception of all that skating around business earlier in the season,  I’m just as qualified as most of those guys to be a hockey player.   My golf clubs are standing at the ready. 

Truth be told (and when have I ever not?) I’d probably have to get in some serious practice on the links,  since most of those guys are quite likely considerably better golfers than me.   I mean,  if you’re already out on the golf course in the beginning of April,  you’re bound to improve.  I’m just saying.

Needless to say,  I’m not really a hockey fan.  You didn’t actually think I was, did you?   Oh I’ve been to the odd game, and to be brutally honest,  I’d just as soon watch from home on TV.  At least then I could see what’s on another channel.   Plus,  what you are blissfully unaware of when you’re tuning out a two minute run of commercials between periods is,  there’s a host of CR*P going on rink side to annoy the fans.  Well,  they’re trying to “entertain” the fans.  I’m afraid I was the only ‘fan’ that was annoyed.  I’m talking about the loud music,  flashing lights,  scantily clad bimbos launching T-shirts towards the eagerly waiting idiots.  This is the kind of gimmicky nonsense that the organisers come up with to “entertain”  everyone between puck drops.  
So fine,  maybe they’re not scantily clad “bimbos”.  I’m sure they’re all aspiring University students just trying to make a buck.  What.  Ever.

Seriously,  I’d just as soon sit there and quietly chat with my companions about what a “great play”  we just saw,  if there was such a thing, rather than watch some sort of amateurish version of “Cirque du Soleil”  being mashed out in front of me.
Don’t get me wrong.  I don’t mind noise and mayhem.   But it shouldn’t be at a hockey game.  If I want noise and mayhem,  I’ll go to the drags.  I have ear plugs.  I know how to use them.  I shouldn’t need them at a hockey game.

Now you have to understand that I did not drag my hockey gear golf clubs from the basement storage just because the Leafs are out.  Like we didn’t see it coming.  No no,  after the “Schimmel”   incident of a few weeks ago (um,  “Schimmel”  is German for “mould”  btw)  I thought it might be a fine idea to check over the clubs and bags to see if there were any “issues”.  With the exception of some run of the mill dirt,  they were fine.  There was just a tiny little bit of mould on one of the straps, but nothing any where near the mess I had discovered on the bike bags.  *phew*
I’ve since schlepped them back downstairs,  where they’ll remain until that fateful day some time in the future when they get to come out to play.
Or get packed up and moved to another country. 
Sad to say,  but our clubs didn’t really get to go out to play very much at all here in Europe. 
When the idea of moving over here was first floated,  we thought it would be just a wonderful idea to “go golfing”.  We’re both beginners,  that’s for sure,  but in North American culture,  that’s never anything to put a stop to going out to whack a ball into the rough a few hundred times.   If you’re suitably attired and don’t act like complete idiots,  most public courses will happily take your money,  point you in the direction of the first tee and set you lose.

On this side of the pond however,  it’s a wee bit different.  We discovered early on,  that in the Netherlands you need a license to play golf.  No,  I’m not making this up.  Either that,  or you have to show that you’re a member of a bona fide club with a recognised handicap.   Nope,  still not kidding.
To get around that,  you had to first take lessons and then pass a “test” in order to have the privilege of shelling out even more money to play on one of their less than stellar courses.   Oh ya!  Just sign me right up!   (not)   So let me just spell that out for you.  Lessons will run three or four hundred Euros,  then there was another chunk of change for the “test”,   and IF you pass all those steps,  you’re a “golfer”.    Isn’t that special?
Let me see if I can remember what I said aloud when I first found this out?   Right,  I think it was something like, “I don’t f**king think so!”   So with the exception of taking a couple clubs over to the driving range to work on my swing,  we never got on a course even once.   Meh,  no biggie.
Almost forgot,  there was that minor event there when I actually taught Travelling Companion how to swing a club and HIT the ball.  That was ‘something’ I must admit. 
We have therefore lived without golf in our lives up to this point,  and that’s OK.  We’ll get a turn at that sort of thing in due time.  To quote Liza Doolittle from My Fair Lady,  “Just you wait.”

A brief mention about the photo below, that was taken in the Dominican Republic back in 2007.   It would seem the caddy who took this shot was better at golf shots than the other kind?   There was never anyone next to me,  not did anyone mysteriously “beam” out,  even though it looks that way.   And if you haven’t figured it out,  I’m the one with the Panama hat and the crazy coloured shirt.


1playa grande

This was at a course called Playa Grande,  which was pretty damned spectacular.

Here’s one of the “hazards”:
12playa grande 
Um ya,  that would be the ocean.

I only managed to lose maybe three or four balls (I know!)  and came in around a 120.  I was happy with that.  Mind you,  there were a couple times there when I decided to play it safe and NOT shoot out over the abyss. 
It was one of those occasions when I realised,  “I think I want to do more of this”.
But of course,  I don’t play for the Leafs,  so I’ll have to wait a while.

Thanks for coming by.



  1. go Canucks! can dream anyway!..sorry to hear the Leafs are out!..better practise that golf swing!

  2. I'm not going to say [terrace] this outright, but have you [terrace] considered driving and putting somewhere [terrace] where you don't have to [terrace] pay or get licensed? I don't know where; it's up to you to figure out.

    We don't even have to take lessons to own guns. That's what makes America great.

  3. You know, I've *actually* had that thought cross my mind. I'm just not sure where a golf ball would end up.
    Hell, I wasn't even willing to "hang a loogie" off of there.
    Just one of those, "Oh Gawd, what was I thinking" moments.

  4. The first time I was in the Netherlands and heard about the golf license, I was amazed. After living in the country for a total of seven years, nothing would amaze me about the place anymore. It is a bureaucratic nightmare run a muck.


Well, I've been getting too many spam comments showing up. Just a drag, so we'll go another route and hope that helps. So, we won't be hearing anything more from Mr. Nony Moose.
I guess I'll just have to do without that Gucci purse.