Friday, December 28, 2012

Bring out your Stupid.

This is along the lines of “Bring out your Dead”,  but you’d have to be somewhat familiar with Monty Python to appreciate the analogy.

Well here,  I’ll put in a bit of a reference just for clarity.  It’s only 55 seconds,  so even if you don’t like Monty Python,  I’m sure you can at least tolerate a bit of levity.



I sure hope I at least make it to the “Home” before one of my relations figures I’m a candidate for the wagon, but let’s not get sidetracked. 


Actually,  what I’m referring to is,  the number of Stupid People who seem to emerge as the result of a snow storm.  And it doesn’t just happen here either.  I’ve seem my share of it in Austria as well,  where snow tires are de rigueur.

According to the OPP (the Ontario Provincial Police, kind of like State Troopers,  but without the snappy limericks) Ontario drivers receive a failing grade when it comes to their driving abilities.   Of course they’re referring to snow storms,  but I tend to think it applies in all conditions,  but that’s just my timid little opinion. 

Here’s a quote from something called “”.   I’m leery about putting in a link to the article,  since these things tend to go away after a time,  and I didn’t particularly like the website.  It had a bit of a country bumpkin feel to it.  They don’t get your traffic.  Sorry.


Sergeant Dave Rektor says the OPP is giving Ontario drivers a failing grade when it comes to driving for the conditions.

“Rektor”?  Couldn’t we just call him Officer Smith?   I suppose if the guy is packin’ heat,  one would be less than inclined to make Butt jokes.  I mean,  if he were a sewer worker?  Whoa.


Anyhoodle,  in something like 40 years of driving, in all kinds of conditions,  I’ve never found myself hung up in the snow for more than a very short period of time.  Seriously.  I’ll admit I did come into an entry way a little too quickly one time and damage a lower wishbone (‘lower control arm’ for the rest of you) on a curb in wintry conditions,  and that was purely my fault,  but I was still able to drive the car away.  It was limping,  but could be driven.  I felt pretty stupid.

Slamming into guard rails or other vehicles?  Nope.  And I’ve driven in some nasty shit,  which is not to say I’d go out and do it on purpose,  but there were times when it was a requirement.   Youth and exuberance, the requirement of the job and all that.


May I offer the following…




See, they finally got around to ploughing the side streets a good day after the storm had come through,  so it stands to reason that a plough would go by from time to time.  I’m not even sure if the above example qualifies.  He MUST have adequate weight on the back,  but what you’re seeing there is,  he’s stuck.  He’s not even ploughing anything!  I should have grabbed the little camera and taken a video,  but silly me,  I reached for the Nikon.  So we get stills.



Oh,  he sat there spinning his wheels for a good ten minutes.  There started to be “traffic”.  We’re in the burbs here,  there are virtually NO cars. 



I’ve seen this before (well,  not quite this bad) where a driver will get slightly hung up,  and then gun it,  thinking that the more they spin,  the quicker they’ll emerge.  Sorry,  it doesn’t work that way.  Grade ten physics kids.  Has to do with a stationary object having a higher co-efficient of friction than a moving one?  There’s also something to do with potential vrs kinetic energy as well, but let’s not get fancy.

And I barely passed grade ten physics.

It’s not an easy thing to learn,  and I’ve had to get behind the wheels of stuck vehicles in order to drive them out.  I think this guy would not have appreciated me going out and offering to drive the thing out of the tiny mole hill that he was trapped in,  since he was a “professional” after all.  *rolling my eyes here*.


The “lady drivers” (sorry if I upset you, but I’m just saying)  are quite often the ones who get flustered,  and then of course expect that you’ll just get behind the car and push.  I don’t push.  No really.  Never.

If you’re stuck that badly that I can’t drive the car out,  then you need a tow truck,  not me.

I don’t know you,  and I’m not about to hurt myself because you should have stayed home.  There have been a couple times when I’ve simply walked away.

I mean,  I suppose there’s the fear that I could drive off in their Hyundai Piece-o-crap,  but really,  I’m only willing to drive it about thirty feet.  Since I rarely show up at these situations with a handy bag to put over my head,  the chances of stealing your car are pretty slim.


If my offer is turned down, I’ve never actually come out and said, “Well, it sucks to be you”, since that would just be mean. Instead I usually offer something like,  “OK then have a fine day”,  and go back to whatever I was doing.   Is that wrong?  Should I care?  I mean, I realise it’s impossible to “fix” stupid,  but I don’t mind offering some assistance.  It’s the decent thing to do. 

It’s either that or bonk them on the head.


Feel free to talk amongst yourselves.

Stay clear of those snow drifts.


Thanks for lookin’.




  1. Houston has TERRIBLE drivers when it rains! They just can't handle slowing down. They still think they can fly down the road at 70 mph. I would HATE to see what would happen if they got any snow. The city would probably have to close down.

  2. I can't believe that truck was stuck - even I could have gotten it out of there - no gunning involved.

  3. Its a pride thing, couldn't handle it if you just drove the car out when they couldn't... And that truck appears to have a massive weight on the bed rails.......

  4. I've seen bigger snow plow trucks than that stuck, as I easily drove around them.

    I especially love the &(^&#$@s that go out and buy a 4WD Jeep, the go flying thru the snow unaware that they still have to stop. I drive easily around them and laugh at them in the ditch they get stuck in.

  5. I've had my share of snowy roads having lived in Ohio for 60 years. The only accident I had was that I hit a deer (actually, it hit me) when I couldn't stop in time on an icy road. It did a few hundred dollars of damage and ran off so we didn't even have venison for dinner.

  6. Gotta love/hate Ontario winters.
    Have not heard the name Sergeant Dave Rektor for many years. He used to frequent my Restaurant in the early 90's (Plattsville) and was a very friendly person to know. Had met his family and some co workers. One thing I do remember about him was a T shirt he wore under his uniform "Super Dave" on the front.
    Maybe you need to take up driving a snow plough for a hobby?

  7. I"m sure not missing that white crap....and a stuck plow..nope you can't cure stupid....


Well, I've been getting too many spam comments showing up. Just a drag, so we'll go another route and hope that helps. So, we won't be hearing anything more from Mr. Nony Moose.
I guess I'll just have to do without that Gucci purse.