Life without Miracle Whip®

If physical properties could somehow be attributed to a person’s state of mind,  mine is in a tailspin.

I might even be too upset and distracted to put together any kind of coherent thoughts today.   Oh wait, I haven’t been able to do that yet anyway!  *snort!*

Who am I trying to kid?

(yes,  I know it’s “whom”,  but who says that?)

For time immemorial,  or in our case since we moved to Europe,  there has always been “The Search”.   Searching for that ONE THING that you need,  or think you need.  Peanut butter comes to mind.  I can only get one kind.  It’s Skippy,  and I can get “Crunchy” or “Smooth”.  I screwed up once and got “Crunchy”.   I ate it,  but I don’t really like “Crunchy”.   Oh,  and it’s horridly expensive.  Like,  €2,99 for this tiny little jar.

Now,  if you’re not quite sure just how much (or how little)  240 grams is,  let me just demonstrate.

 

Apparently there’s an international standard for clothes pins,  since the ones we have here are the same size as the ones we have back home.  Hey, they can do it with seat belts, so clothes pins aren’t that much of a stretch. 

By the way,  the Dutch word for “clothes pin” is “wasknijper”.   I haven’t a clue what they’re called in German,  since I bought our clothespins in the Netherlands.   I suppose I could look it up, but why bother?   These are not the kinds of things one learns when one receives one’s Degree in German Literature.    So if any of you have plans to get a degree in German Literature so you can then go shopping?   Not really the best plan.

Just thought I’d point that out.

 

OK fine,  I looked it up just now,  and the German word for clothes pin is, Wäscheklammer

Are we happy now?

I tried (once, only) some peanut butter I found at some “Exotic” food store over on the Gürtel.  It was pretty horrid.  My impression of that place is,  they just buy up all the cr*p that’s expired and can no longer be sold to actual grocery stores.  So much for that idea.

 

For any of you who have a memory better than mine,  you may recall that I could get the “true”  Miracle Whip up in Denmark.  Any time we’d take a hike up there so Travelling Companion could visit one of her locations in Vejle, I’d make sure to buy two or three jars.   I’ve put in a handy dandy Google Maps link for anyone wanting a quick geography lesson.  And it’s pronounced “ʋɑɪ̯lə” .   Um OK, “Vy'-la”  (as in I’m “vying” for a job) with the “uh”  at the end sort of being the sound you make when you tug on a recalcitrant door handle.   You’ll have to figure that out.

Like I said,  I’d buy two or three jars.  I’m well acquainted with at least ONE person who has a real hang up about expiry dates,  so there was little hope of truly stocking up. I won’t mention any names.  I really couldn’t tell you how expensive it was,  since I was paying with Danish Kroners,  and I didn’t care anyway.  I was just tickled to find Miracle Whip.

So when we moved down here to Wienerland in 09,  we brought with us the remnants of our precious cargo of Miracle Whip,  but soon discovered that we were starting to run out.   It was time to restart the “Search”.   Crap!

But!  There was good news!   I could at least get the “light” variety at Merkur.   We’re not overly keen on the “light” variety,  but it would have to do.  Kind of like the crunchy peanut butter analogy.

Naturally,  in German it’s spelled ever so slightly different,  since it would otherwise be impossible to pronounce.  Hence,  it’s “Miracel Whip”.   Ya,  spell check doesn’t like that one either.

 

As it so happens,  I made a batch of egg salad the other day,  and since my ultimate jar of Miracle Whip was nearly down to the bottom,  it was time for some more.   I even broke down and ASKED someone where the heck it had gotten to, after wandering up and down the aisle a half dozen times.  The clerk even knew what I was talking about, (I know!) managed to find the old label on the rack,  showing the product and price,  and then proceeded to point out that,  there was something on there to indicate (hey,  I didn’t have my glasses on)  that it was highly unlikely that they’d ever be getting it again. 

“Höchst unwahrscheinlich”,  were his exact words. 

My butt cheeks clenched ever so slightly at that moment.

 

In certain circumstances I’m pretty good at keeping my emotions in check,  but INSIDE, just then I was thinking, “Are you f**king kidding me???    Now what?”

I’m getting a little upset as I type this…

*breathe deeply*

 

 

I recall we picked up some last June on our way back from Bonn.   I think it was somewhere outside of Regensburg but, *sniff* I don’t really remember!    Why didn’t I write it down?  Oh why?  

But really,  the chances of me driving to Regensburg (if that was indeed the place) for a couple jars of Miracle Whip are pretty damned slim. 

 

I might take a walk down to the Westbahnhof and see if the Merkur there has any old stock hanging around.  Other than that,  I got nothin’.    We’re pooched.  

I think maybe it’s time to move.   Just has to be to some country where they have Miracle Whip.  

Here are the criteria. 

Languages spoken in order of familiarity:

German,  French,  Dutch,  Spanish.   Any country with any combination of the above.   BUT,  only if they sell Miracle Whip.

Oh,  and I suppose English is another possibility.  Forgot that one!  Ha!   And well, there’s that smattering of Russian, but are you kidding??

 

Now really,  is that too much to ask?

 

Moving along…

 

 

I took a pic of this week’s banana bread offering,  so here it is.  On the left is the remnants of last week’s.  It only really lasts about four days,  and then starts to get pretty dry.

 

 

Right.  I’m outta here. 

 

Keep those sticks on the ice.

 

Thanks for lookin’.

 

 

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